This was my day!

My day today can be summed up in 3 "conversations":

On prep in my classroom, Tommy runs (and I mean runs) into my room.
"Kelly you have ghosts!" (will post pictures of my door for Halloween later)
"Yes Tommy I do, and you should be in Inuttiut class"
"Kelly, Your eyes is green!"
"Yes Tommy they are green"
"Kelly you are a zombie!"
And he runs away...

Later while carving a pumpkin with my students (for the record never making that mistake again)
"Kelly this stuff is eww"
"Yes the pumpkin guts are squishy Juana"
"Kelly look!" students point at Aloupa
He has chewed the seeds and has a mouth FULL of pumpkin insides drooling out of his mouth!

While on recess duty...
"Kelly Kelly Kelly!"
"Yes Mickey?"
"YOU'RE FIRED!"
"Thank you Mickey I've been waiting to hear that all day!"

Enough said!
K.

Long Days, Late Nights... Frustrated!

When I came up here I was told by many of you who I know and love a number of different things. I've been told I'm brave, I'm crazy, I'm courageous, I'm doing something others would never imagine doing alone, and well everything in between. I can tell you though that while you think it is brave for me to come here I think it is braver for my children to endure all that they do.

I hear heartbreaking stories every day, some from other adults, some from the kids themselves. Sometimes I am witness to the stories myself. I think I have been writing very surface stories and thoughts and I don't know why.

My students endure so much and deserve so much more. We have breakfast every day at school, we feed every child who comes no matter if they may have eaten at home too. This is not always enough though, because the children who need it most come later after lunch to say they have no food at home and nobody there to feed them sometimes. I try to give my students all the understanding I can but sometimes I push too much because I don't know what is going on in their lives and here you have to know in order to teach them. Sometimes my classroom becomes a nap room, just this morning I had a child sleeping on the story time mats while I was on my prep because she had a rough night. I don't know what she may have dealt with all night, and I don't think I could even imagine it if I wanted to because I was lucky enough to have a safe home to grow up in with locked doors and loving parents who I could trust to keep me safe (and I know now I can not thank them enough for that). If I had to spend a day in these children's shoes I don't think I could make it... they are the brave ones not I!

I am frustrated that I am powerless to save them, I am angry that I cannot fix things for them, and I hate that I am all about how I feel and vent about how sad it makes me!

After I went to Kenya I felt hope that if everyone cared, if everyone tried and dreamed then this world could be so much better. I think it is because the people I was surrounded by, the children, the local villagers, the people who worked there all had so much hope and dared to dream. Here, my students do not have dreams and that is heartbreaking because without dreams what kind of future is there for them? When I was 8 if you asked me what I wanted to be it was a different thing every day; if you ask my students what they want to be when they grow up they just shrug their shoulders, stare at the floor, and have nothing to say. Where is their hope? I wish I could give them every dream I have for them. I wish they could see the strong and brave faces I see when I look at them!

If you could hear their stories and see their faces you would never be impressed with mine. I am just a girl who lets herself get bogged down with self-pity because I miss everything I don't have here but I have a house to myself with a door that locks, food and clothes, and people who care about me!

The Beginning of the Middle...

Every adventure has a beginning, middle and an end. I'm pretty sure I'm in the middle part somewhere, the part where you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hoped that this week would be a "normal week" at school but I think this week has shown me that a normal week does not really exist.

I have a student who's temper is like nothing I have ever seen before. There is no such thing as compromise with him, it is his way or in all seriousness he will turn the classroom upside down in a matter of seconds. One minute he is sitting at his desk and the next thing I know he has turned every desk on its side, every paper is on the floor and even things from the walls are in pieces. This week an educational psychologist from the school board was here in Aupaluk and she assessed him in class and agreed he should be seen by a professional. Then she proceeds to tell me I should reward him more... I'm sorry but he just does not listen to compromise so how does that work? I am not about to give him 20 minutes of do whatever you want time for 2 math questions when he is more than capable of doing 10 he just refuses to do it because he would rather colour or go on the computer and won't agree to taking the reward after the work. I think sometimes people who work for school boards who have never taught a day in their life should have to step inside a classroom and see what it is really like. I have 6 children with a hundred problems each and all different needs and grade levels, I can't stop the world for one and if I could it would be for my student who came to me yesterday afternoon hungry because there is no food in the house and no parents around to feed them!

I have volunteered to be a academic advisor for the hockey program here... I should have known from the "orientation" in September that was a bad idea. I got an email this week from one of the men who "run" this program saying they need me to find a child to go to the tryouts this week. He emailed me wednesday afternoon, I got it wednesday evening after a two and a half hour intervention meeting with other teachers and the psychologist and I was so not in the mood for their ordering me around. It is not part of my job to find children to go to their tryouts so I emailed him back with about the 3rd reminder I have sent them saying that my job is to teach and that I need at least a week's notice if they want my help with things but I would do my best. I got a snarky email in response saying if I "don't care about the children of Aupaluk" and it's "too difficult" for me just let him know. This has apparently been a trend of theirs and I guess they have never experienced someone who didn't bow down and do as they command. Well I found someone by 1pm Thursday afternoon (the deadline for the ticket was 4pm that evening) and emailed it immediately. They either didn't read the email in time (so the children must not be so important after all) or they decided to use a child to try to push my buttons because last night I had an 11 year old boy call me practically in tears because they called him and told his mother that "I" didn't book the ticket so it's my fault he can't go to tryouts now! I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do about this one now but I'm not happy. What do you do when grown men act like 6 year old children? I hate drama and especially when it is coming from what should be a strictly professional situation!

Anyway it's the weekend! I have only 39 teaching days till Christmas holidays and this week went by very quickly and I think the next few will as well. We have Halloween this week, thursday night will be devoted to hauted house making for the kids on friday. Most of friday will be Halloween games and activities. Then we will be getting ready to do report cards two weeks after that. I think this whole post just turned into a massive rant for which I apologize... happy weekend to you all!

Sunshine and a Pizza Party!

I am always amazed at how different each day is here in the North. In fact I can leave school at lunch having had a terrible morning and return after lunch to a suprisingly good afternoon, or just the opposite. I am learning to not be stuck on my expectations.

Yesterday morning I arrived at school in a suprisingly good mood (I guess any friday is better than a monday). I decided the night before that I am going to try meditation with my kids. I know they don't do well with new things and they can be a little difficult but I decided it was worth a try. They act out at school a lot because they don't have any coping strategies for what they experience in their daily lives. I think if they have the ability to take control of their feelings and the power to leave a situation (even if it is only in their mind) and find a safe space they would be better for it. The meditation went better than I had allowed myself to expect. I had only 2 of my kids, and in the beginning there was a lot of fidgeting but after a short time they stopped and they relaxed so much that when it was finished they were asleep! I'm going to do it regularly now I think. It takes time out of a busy day but reality is that I will never get through all the curriculum when dealing with kids who can't focus because they didn't sleep, they are hungry, they have been abused in any and all ways we don't want to imagine so why not take the time to teach them a skill that may help them in their reality.

After lunch we had a pizza party. We had made the dough in the morning and let it rise. After lunch we finished it off and during this things seemed to fall apart. Juana decided that she had a headache and would not even help anymore. I'm never sure if she really does feel sick or if she just wants to go home and since there is nothing I can do to stop her and she doesn't have a phone at home to call her parents I have to let her go. That left me with Willie so we started to watch the rest of the movie from thursday and just as the pizza was finished Jobie and Eric came in late. Now, the pizza party was for only students who had earned 10 stars or more.... Jobie has one. But, being the day it was I had nowhere else for him to go so he got to come to the class and eat pizza too.

Yesterday was our first day with sunshine in.... oh I can't even remember! After work Alex and I went for a lovely walk in the sunshine. You don't realize how much we need the sun and how much a beautiful day can improve your mood until you haven't seen the sun in a while! To our great suprise and appreciation the sun was out again today! Despite the cold we went for a walk to the lake and had a picnic. It was a lovely day and a good way to destress from a crazy week in Aupaluk. Thanks Alexandra for a long walk and a long talk!

Now I am hoping the next week is better and the time goes quickly here because I am missing everyone at home so very much.

Bunches of Love
K.

A Rant About Grocery Shopping in the North!

To make up for being so negligent I have decided to do another post for you tonight. I really could tell you about the funeral I went to yesterday but I think after the last post maybe I should do something not quite so heavy. So I am here to talk to you this evening about grocery shopping in the North!

In some of the larger communities people do not have to order quite so many groceries because they often have 2 grocery stores (generally a Co-Op and a Northern Store) where things may sometimes be more expensive but I'm pretty sure it works out even. Here in Aupaluk we have 1 Co-Op! The things at the Co-Op are very expensive and not always edible.... the potatoes have fuz, the milk is 3 months past due, and I swear I saw a loaf of bread walk out the door one time! The Co-Op is great for avacado though, especially if you want to make guacomole!

Here in Aupaluk we order or groceries from "down south" which basically means Montreal. Every weekend I look at my cupboard and fridge and decide what I'm missing, then I think what meals I will want to make and if there is a get-together on the weekend what I will want to bring, then I make a list.

You can order from Metro or IGA and each is better for different things. If I am ordering produce of any kind or anything that needs to be packaged carefully it is always Metro. The people who work there take a lot of care to pick the best fruit and vegetables, they always package them nicely so there is less chance of things breaking. So, every saturday or sunday I look that the metro flyer, make a list of what I want and email it to the office. Generally orders need to be in by monday morning so they can be sent on tuesday. For IGA you shop by viewing and selecting the products online, and the order must be in by sunday in order to be in that week. Any orders made later are processed too late and if your groceries come in on the weekend there is nobody to pick them up at the airport for you! Also as a rule IGA's packing is terrible and any fruits or vegetables are not up to par which can be frustrating. And unlike Metro who will call if they do not have something or will give you red apples if the green ones don't look good, IGA will either not send it at all or will send you the brown broccoli (I hate that!)

So you ask what is IGA good for... excellent question! They send wine and beer while Metro will only send beer... so IGA gets a few points! Plus they do have some good sales on sometimes and because their packing is sub-standard it is cheaper!

So after spending a lot of time planning your grocery order on a sunday all you can do is wait. Grocery delivery day which is usually wednesday or thursday evening can go one of two ways. If all goes well it's like Christmas morning when you get exactly what you asked for... or it can be a total disappointment and you feel like you're being punished and you just recieved the ugliest sweater ever! I spend wednesday night listening for the plane to land and hoping for a knock at the door and a few beautiful boxes full of goodies. When it doesn't come you go to bed so dissapointed you feel someone just stomped on your heart! Then sometimes it does come but things you ordered are missing and after carefully planning each item this can suck too. Sometimes these things come later but sometimes they never come at all. Sometimes you find yourself so counting on your wednesday night delivery that you don't make dinner until late and when it doesn't arrive you are too sad to care about dinner and your dinner becomes Special K or some toast (if you have milk or bread that is).

I have never liked grocery stores, I have always tried to plan my grocery shopping at the least busy time possible, I hate the crazy shoppers and often have to breath through urges to run people over with the cart. So I thought when I came here that having groceries delivered would be fabulous... it is just a different evil. Now I have to make sure I have not forgotten anything, try not to think of anything new before the groceries do arrive, and hope they get here on time and in one piece. Waiting is way harder than having to go myself, at least if I pick out my own apples I know what I'm going home with.

Furthermore, you can't get everything you get at home! Two words come to mind here... Ice Cream!!!! You never know where your groceries will be left, if they will make it to the freezer section or if they will sit on the runway for a while... the last thing you want is a box of ice cream soup to arrive.

This week I ordered my groceries. I ordered from Metro because I thought I had a better chance of getting everything as it was a long weekend, further I was out of apples! I had my order in on monday morning as always, I was lucky that they were able to reach me when they needed to to replace a few things and so had a good feeling about my groceries this week. Yesterday, our usual delivery day was the funeral, I was a bit afraid for the first time ever that they would arrive then. If the groceries came Emma would probably be too busy with funeral things to get them for me.... still when the power went just as the plane was to land I was sad. They did come today however, while I was at school, and as I looked out my window and saw the school truck pull up to my house I did a little dance! There was a casualty this week however, a jar of green olives smashed and leaked everywhere! Happily it didn't take the rest of the contents with it.... unlike the time a tub of yogurt exploded last month.

So, next time you forgot something and you complain that you have to go back to the store think of me in Aupaluk where if I forgot something I have to wait for an order and an airplane. Enjoy your ice cream all!

Lots of Love,
K.

An "Average" Day in Aupaluk...

Ok I'm sorry I know I've been lacking in posts. So much that I'm hearing people are asking about them... so having "kind of" a down spell I'm going to do my best to update you on what has been going on.

First I should take you through an "average" school day here in Aupaluk:

On monday mornings I am on breakfast duty. We give the kids cereal every morning because while some of them have breakfast at home some do not for various reasons. Mondays are particularly strange days at school and breakfast is no exception! Sometimes they come bright and early and are for the most part happy to be there, while other times they come in no earlier than quarter to nine silent and still half asleep. Those days are the hardest and a good indicator that I won't get a lot of teaching in that day. They are still half asleep because they have had no sleep at home, they have been out all night avoiding the drinking and people who are at home or they spent the night with furniture up against their door to keep people out. With so many people living in one house my students don't have their own room, their own space or even their own bed sometimes. Mondays after a shipment of alcohol has come into the village are the worst!

Every morning and afternoon we brush our teeth, not a routine I ever expected to be doing. After that we go through the calendar naming all the months and days of the week. We talk about what day it is, what month it is, how they know what day it is... some days this goes more smoothly than others but they forget easily.... we're working on it. After the calendar we do journals, usually we do a whole class journal because they get frustrated when they don't get something perfect.

My students have no autonomy at all which makes teaching 4 grade levels a lot more difficult. When I want to work with the grade 3's for example, I cannot just give the others independent work to complete and expect they will work quietly, even if it is something they have done before. I am right now working on training them to do work plans and learning centres. I hope by the end of the year if I teach them anything it is to think independently.

As a rule I have 2 students who attend regularly and the others come occasionally. One of my grade 3's almost never comes to school, she just doesn't feel like it and there is nobody around to make her go. It is frustrating to see her fall so far behind. I have another student from another community who lives with a foster family. He has a lot of anger and gets very angry very quickly. If he decides he does not want to do something he won't and has on more than one occasion destroyed my classroom. Just last week he got angry enough to hit me twice. In the moment it is easy to be angry about his behavior but often I feel terrible because knowing he has been through so much and he has learnt it from watching those around him.

Some days I plan to accomplish a lot and have to throw it all out when I see the mood of my students. Some days I use math games and letter games and colouring to get little bits of work out of them. Other days go smoothly and I feel I have accomplished something but they are rare. It is difficult because the community just wants us to come here and teach but you cannot teach children who have so many other things on their minds like food, alcohol in the village, things they saw the night before, if they will sleep tonight. So my classroom has to be a safe place for them where no matter how I'm feeling I greet them with a smile.

I have been in the North 2 months now and I think the honeymoon stage is over. I came to build my resume, cut my debt, see a bit of Canada and teach some children. After all the stresses of the past 2 months I realize I cannot change the world for them so I will do what I can and remember I am not here to stay forever.

Thanksgiving weekend was a bit of craziness. Holidays make me homesick and as it can be pretty lonely here I was feeling a bit of that already. When you add the turkey being consumed by my loved ones without me it only gets worse. We teachers spend time together but you can only do that so much since we also work together every day. Not being able to go for coffee or to the mall or the park is getting to drve me a bit crazy.

Over the weekend a woman in our community was out on the bay digging for mussels with her daughters. The weather was rough this weekend, the tide was strong and the wind was blowing with it and as it came in fast she was caught in the water and drowned. We spent the weekend waiting to hear about funeral arrangements and did not hear until 8:30 monday night that the funeral would be tuesday afternoon. However, the weather has been foggy and the planes could not land yesterday so the people coming for the funeral could not get here, so it was postponed to today. The community has taken it pretty hard, I think the rest of the week will be very quiet ones in school. This means that I have not had school for 5 days now because we had to close the school yesterday and today as well. It is hard to adjust to the way things work here, I'm not sure if I ever will.

I have not had a lot of contact with the community here. I know the Inuit women I work with but not many others. I don't often go to the co-op and people keep to themselves a lot. Yesterday however was a whole new story. About 2 weeks ago a guy showed up on my doorstep asking if he could "visit" and of course my response was to slam the door in his face. He had been calling my neighbour and after he knocked on my door he called her to apologize. Then Monday night someone broke into another teacher's house. So, I spent my tuesday making statements to the police. I found out yesterday people have been asking about me though I have no idea who any of them are. It is a bit unnerving and I was definitly not expecting to deal with any of this though I guess it adds some excitement to life... right!

Anyway, I think that brings you all up to date for the most part. If I don't get my groceries tonight maybe I'll write you a rant about that, and with this fog you may be in luck there! Sorry this was so late coming and I will try to make an honest effort to write more!

K.